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The Lost Art of Super Listening

How often are you drowned out, interrupted or ignored when you are trying to express yourself? On the other hand, how often have you allowed your attention to drift while somebody else is speaking? Superficial listening is growing in epidemic proportions and as we become more dependant on technology the more likely this plague will continue to spread. Certainly the time has come to rethink how we listen and to formulate a new technique for optimizing listening comprehension and retention.

What about "Super Listening"?

Super Listening goes beyond normal listening in that it contradicts the normal rules of conversation: you talk, then your interlocutor talks, then you, then your interlocutor, and so on. When you are engaged in Super Listening, only your interlocutor does the talking. You just listen.

• You don't judge
• You don't argue.
• You don't interrupt

Phew, that's tough. But you will be amazed at its power.

The key is to keep steady eye contact and use plenty of non-verbal statements (head-nodding, smiling, frowning, raising eyebrows). You may choose to throw in an occasional verbal confirmation of interest ("mm-hmm," "right," "interesting", "fancy that", "you're kidding," "really?"), but otherwise, say nothing, even when the other person appears to have finished talking.

Most of us feel driven to interrupt a conversational gap because we're uncomfortable with silence. But that pause of silence gives your interlocutor a chance to think, to reflect, to develop other ideas, enlist concepts in the sub-conscious and to address vulnerable issues before plucking up courage and continuing on. Upon realizing that there is no chance of losing the floor, they relax and become more comfortable, both with you and the issues being discussed.

What you are doing is giving them the gift of undivided attention, a thing so rare, we forget what it feels like. In return, you will receive several gifts: their respect, their trust, and valuable retained information.

Super Listening is most suitable for situations in which there are intense emotions, or there is a need for deep, detailed information. Super Listening is especially useful when dealing with extremely angry customers, when there is little or no trust, or when someone has experienced a loss, such as a divorce, a layoff, or the death of a loved one. This approach normally works best face-to-face, although it can be applied over the telephone.

Try Super Listening the next time you sense a need for deeper communication. You'll be amazed as you experience its benefits.

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"Cross-cultural competence is the top critical skill of the 21^st century."
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Sunday, September 05, 2010 at 7:10:29pm USA Central